i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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