just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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