Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize