I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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