definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
