3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
