My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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