the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
