what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
