were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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