I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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