4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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