i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
