i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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