they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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