Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
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