hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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