I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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