how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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