He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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