I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
