I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
