The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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