I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
