We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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