I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
