I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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