Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Vodka?
Forever.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
