remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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