Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
