Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
