saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
