Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
