If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
