I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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