I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
