What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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