My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
