The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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