Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
