i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
