god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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