sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Randomize
