Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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