ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
