just come out here and I will go home with you...
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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