He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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