If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
