u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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