i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
