if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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