Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
