The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
