With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
