If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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