what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
