ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
