this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
