i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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