9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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