everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
