You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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