so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
