Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
