Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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