I cockslap morals
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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