lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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