u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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