We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
