ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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