All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
