I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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